A new Noize record - 40 fully kitted up KING'S MEN (and women)
And in reverse order of today's GC rankings, we have the following:
The Smackie (Joel) - A new record for worst ever GC ranking received. 40th!!!!!!! Noize shows no remorse
The Florist (Cords) - Just awesome to say we have a chick in TKM. They don't come any better than our Floz. Good norgs too. Second only to Styx.
The Tamps (Stu) - Swung left and headed into the burbs in Mordy on the way down. Obvious booty call if you ask me
The Garbo (Gareth) - Joined in late at the base of the Pyrenees. Some Lords ranked him top 10. Fools. I deal with fools!
The Jester (Dave) - Last ranked rider of those that did the full distance. Looking great having shed ten kegs. That's all that is good though
The Spruce Goose (Pauly G) - What do you expect riding that ridiculous contraption
The Spy (Scotty) - Kit penalties see The Spy being surrounded by names from the bottom of the gene pool.
The Goat (Steve) - The podium of 2006 seems so far away
The Baker (Paul) - Won't be telling Daddy Butch who is in Oz about this result.
The Noodle (Dan) - Strava says The Noodle should be al dente by now and on the back of the train
The Ghost (Andy) - Stop running. Stop swimming. Start riding. This is beyond embarrassment now.
The Postie (Andrew) - What a legend.
The Kazakh (Noel) - Kit penalties smashing him back to the bottom of the barrel
The Biggle (Col) - Don't think that being on the B Train long term is acceptable Bigglez. Lift
The Butcher (James) - Rolled into Phamish covering teh golden band on his jersey in shame
The Stig (Pete) - 4 weeks ago Stiggy was gunning for top 10. Someone turned off the switch
The Red Curry (Tommy) - Solid result for the ranger rug. best of teh rest
The Clinger (Tristan) - Lucky lucky lucky.
TBA (Josh Rix) - Has been in qualification for 3 years. Will Joshy Rix finally string 10 in 15 together. Noize provided Joshie with an intravenous shot of reality though. How'd you like them apples Joshua?
The Laughing Camel (Liwa) - This sort of ranking is no laughing matter for a man of this calibre
The Flying Gypsy (Nathan) - The Bong van was chocka-bloke with smoke today as the gypo just lounged back and took it all in.
The Padawan (Gab) - Annoying that he hung on but a couple of rolls shows the boy has base.
The Stealth (Normie) - Sniveled for very little in the end but he is The Stealth and he is a Grand Duke so yous can all go get fked!
The Dominatrix (Josh) - Has been training on the secret Noize course. Just starting his 2013 campaign. A big diesel that will take a few weeks to get going and return to the engine room
The Redneck Hick (Byron) - Huge huge roll up through the Pyrenees. Must have hit nearly 50 as he attacked to the front. Frightening. Lazy boy before then.
The Candyman (Andrew) - Probably a sub par performance based on recent weeks. One huge speed lifting turn down through Sandy was most impressive.
The Llama (Brett) - Another predictable Llama day with a reserved first third before taking up the mantle in the Pyrenees. Is shitting The King to tears as he competes with him for Green and has the top end which will see this go to the wire.
The Brick (Brent) - Pink sock was in and out today as Brixie remain high up there even on an average day. A man in form.
The Sherpa (Pete) - Is Jumping 10 rankings per ride. Likely to see him go top 3 on Thursday. Watch out because he wil be back to kick nuts.
The King (Stu) - Is this perhaps the greatest rider in human history. Start, middle, end.
The Fried Chicken (Nick) - Solid. Just solid. Some huge involvement through the guts of the ride
The Hairy Eagle (Ash) - Casually rolling around the peloton for an easy 9th. Missed rides at the start of the season means this is a season of gliding rather than flapping
The Crack (Zac) -This kid was out of the saddle for every roll he did. looked like there were 10 brown signs along the Noize route. Animal.
The Chef (Sammy) - Big player in the first half and one of the main pistons that blew the dots anything that goes vaguely up. Hurts people bad.
The Bulldozer (Cam) - Advised he had to turn early for work. Then remembered that Nothing Else Matters and said fk work and went the whole nine yards. Has his priorities right. Weapon.
The Pimp (Tyson) -WTF. Seriously! WTF. This bloke was off the back 6 months ago and is still 10 kegs overweight. Yet here is is on the podium. This is a masterpiece in the making. Just need to chop his dick off and tell him to focus and to lay off the doughnuts
The Feral Rabbit (Michal) - Has taken teh foot off the gas ever so slightly to simply enjoy the engine room without the pressures of the yellow jersey. Even in doing so has no found himself only a step off the podium.
The Farmer (Mark) - Summer 2012/13 will be remembered for this man. Form of his life. Riding like a man possessed yet his man is on the edge of insanity. Northcote Town Hall has reinforced the walls in preparation of receiving this patient come the end of the season. So strong yet missing out on what he so desperately wants in a standout No.1 for GC
The Boxer (Poochy) - You just have to pay credit when credit is due. Rolled often and did so when no others would. Felt more wind than any other and was a standout No.1 as voted for by the Lords. Gains an ever so valuable extra few points to increase the distance between himself and the Sheep Herder. The fat lady is far from singing however but already the bookies are saying this is going to be one hard man to beat. Congratulations again to The Boxa for taking out a No.1 in GC for what is teh hardest ride going around. The best of the best.